Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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