my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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