Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
