she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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