Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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