She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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