God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
