My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
