She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize