I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found the puke drawer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
