i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
