Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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