u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
3pm strippers are depressing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
