Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
