Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
