id be glad to
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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