but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
