i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
