PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
