I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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