I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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