Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
