i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
