do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
