i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
