I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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