great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
