four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
