On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
