get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
