how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
