i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
