I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
