I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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