Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
