How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
