Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
