I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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