I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
