My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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