that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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