Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
