Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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