My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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