I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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