Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
