I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how does that bad decision feel?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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