I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
