I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
