there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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