I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
