Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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