3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
