areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
