I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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