We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
