PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
