in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
