Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just google imaged poop.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
