remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
