bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
