and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
