OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
