So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize