She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
