I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
