her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish you could order shots online.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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