We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
