Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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