I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
