marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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