You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
