My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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