I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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