He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
