After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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