Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
