She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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