It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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