how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
