You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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