I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
