Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
