We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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