Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
