no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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