i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
