I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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