White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
