Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
