I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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