it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
