The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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