yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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