pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize