herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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