Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
