he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
