ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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