Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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