I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
