I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
