Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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