I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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