I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
