i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
