Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize