Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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