When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
