After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
