I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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