I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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