I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
